The Ultimate Love

The first week of our engagement was....eventful.  80% of the time, it was absolute bliss filled with joyous well-wishes from friends and family and a realization for both of us that we are finally together.  Forever.  This is it, the time for us.  What we have been waiting for all our lives.

The other 20% was.....interesting.  Stressful.  It amazes me how incredibly selfish people can behave without realizing exactly what they're doing.  This lack of knowing the full impact of their actions has kept me in check, in a gentle state of mind, so Tristan and I can deal with the obstacles as they come.  When I do get annoyed, I just talk with him and let him take care of those things that I totally suck at handling peacefully.  Like, I understand if someone is happy yet feels left out of the love-world.  I've been there, I totally get it.  But there's a time and a place for those emotions, and 24/7 out in the open for the world isn't the best option.  It makes us feel really, really uncomfortable.  Especially when those emotions turn into accusations that are completely unfounded.  Oh, and let's not forget certain family members who are slowly.....slowly....learning to let go of control over Tristan's life.  Which means letting me handle some of it, too (the guy does not remember his schedule well! lol)

Yet....none of that matters.  Not really.  I look at Tristan and it's like....peace.  Happiness.  Safety.  A state of being I once thought was only a myth, but it's real!  The way he looks at me with that glow in his eyes....I've waited so long for that.  To hold each other, kiss each other, just bask in each other's closeness....it's bliss.  Absolute bliss.  Even now I watch him sleep, and I thank God every second that passes for letting me be the wife of someone so incredibly handsome and deeply good as Tristan Keller.  Even more, I thank God for letting him love me.  Helping him love me.  Heck, even getting him to the consideration point! :P

Lydia refuses to even attend my wedding, but I am more saddened for her than I am hurt now.  She has never been taught, through action, the concept of forgiveness.  The idea that what is done is done, and we move on to a better tomorrow.   Yes, Tristan injured me deeply.  Yes, he caused an incredible amount of damage in my life, emotionally, mentally, at times almost physically.  But part of truly seeing, and the type of seeing that everyone can do but most choose not to, is seeing deep within another and finding who they truly are beneath the mask and/or curse.  Somehow, through the grace and mercy of God, I was able to see through the violent torment in Tristan's mind to the man within.  Way, way within.  My anger and frustration with him came from knowing that he is a better man.  That Tristan Keller is not just a better man, but a great man capable of goodness and wisdom beyond his years, and at the time he was buried beneath the wreckage of a shattered life.

If you're reading this and think, "I'm buried, I've cried out to God and He just left me here to die", that is so. Not.  True.  God never, ever abandons you.  He never has and never will.  It is all in your perception of your life, and your true heart.  A soul that cries out to God is answered, a heart that begs for deliverance is freed by Christ who can do all things when we just trust Him.  And that, dear reader, is the ultimate sign of love.  Trust.  I can say, wholeheartedly and before the courts of Heaven, I trust Tristan Keller.  I trust him because I trust God, and God has already proved time and again He will defend me and advocate for me should I ask.  So if you're wondering why God has not answered you, He seriously has.  You are someone worth dying for, and God sees value in you that no other human in this universe will ever fully see.  When someone tells you you're beautiful, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Do you trust Him?