Battle

"Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified.  Do not be discouraged, for the Lord God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I think we get so caught up in the conspiracies that we forget what exactly we're doing.  Or who we are.  I confess, I was so caught up in the idea, the knowledge that I will be marrying a prince and becoming his eternal companion.....I forgot that I am, first and foremost, a daughter of God.  A "priestess" of sorts for the High King of Heaven and Earth, and in that effect a spiritual warrior.  And here I've sat, watching Tristan suffer and asking God why He wasn't doing anything.

To quote Homer Simpson, "D'oh!"

I confess, again, that I also got caught up in my fury towards those who claim to be his friends and yet talk behind his back like his worst enemies.  Since you know who you are, and I will never, ever say this in person, I will say it here.  How dare you??  How dare you claim to be his closest friends, his most trusted companions, and then turn around and verbally degrade his decisions and his happiness?  How dare you trash-talk his chosen wife?  (Even if it wasn't me, I'd still be mad. You just don't do that to a friend!)  You are not invited to his wedding, his reception, NOTHING.  You are not told about his life because you have not earned the honor!  You are not his best friend, and he is not yours!  So shut up, stop blowing hot air into this world and go.  Away.

Note:  I needed to vent.  Somewhere.  I needed to get that poison out of my system before going on and doing what it is I need to do in the spiritual world, because that has been eating away at me and leaving a horrible taste in my mouth.  Again, you know who you are.  And shame on you.  I apologize for the incredible harshness of my words and yet at the same time, you need to think about that.  Hard.  And really decide what your next move is carefully because you are watched.  And you are heard.  And we will know.

Then again, last night at church I was reminded that our enemies aren't truly people, but what lies within people.  Our battle is against the darkness.  So I pray for the patience, and the compassion, to keep remembering that before I rip a potential redemption story to shreds.  So I say yet again, this post is a vent and while it is to be taken into consideration, it would be a very bad idea to go crying and complaining to Tristan, his family, me, or any of our actually true friends (which, sadly, has been narrowed down to one local and two out-of-state.  Out of, like, 10 originals, we are left with 3 we can actually trust).  I just needed to somehow express the stress within me so I don't destroy the planet.  :)

I keep chanting the benediction from soooooo many years of liturgical church as a child.  "And may the grace, mercy and peace of God that surpasses all understanding keep your hearts and minds with Christ Jesus, Amen."  Oh, and the fruits of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Self-control.  Self-control.  Self.  Control.

Mom always said I'm a Peter.  John would peek into the tomb, see that Jesus wasn't there anymore, and make a note of it.  Peter ran inside (a big no-no for Jewish people who wish to attend church regularly, as it is highly unclean), tossed around the burial clothes (again, ick) and exclaimed that Jesus is missing.  And to tell the truth, when I was a kid and read that Peter grabbed a sword and chopped off a guy's ear in a move to defend Jesus from arrest and eventual execution, I asked the teacher what was so wrong with that?  I would, too!  I didn't understand at the time that Jesus' death, and resurrection, was a good thing because it saved us all from horrible separation and eternal death.  I just thought that Jesus shouldn't have been killed and I would totally throw myself into battle for Him.  Now I understand. :)  But I'd still go into battle for Him anytime, anyday.

And writing that has made me realize, that's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now.