Men. Ugh.

This is one of those nights where I should have been asleep hours ago, but I just can't seem to do it.

During my web surfing, I came across Michael's recent Facebook activity and decided to check out his timeline to see what he's been up to.  Since it's been....2? months since I last saw him.

"I want to sleep with you.  I don't mean have sex.  I mean sleep.  Together.  Under my blankets.  In my bed. With my hand on your chest and your arm around me.  With the window cracked, so it's chilly and we have to cuddle closer.  No talking, just sleepy, blissfully, happy silence."  This was a picture he liked and I, without marking so, liked it too.  Then ruefully noted how he could have had that with me all he wanted but nooooooo, he had to go and be way too flipping complicated about whatever the heck is or isn't between us.

Sometimes I just....I either don't understand men and their complicated logic (I say "complicated" when really, it's just stupid), or I just plain don't like them.

"I love her so much, I will sacrifice my happiness for her safety and utterly destroy her emotions by dumping her, leaving her, writing a letter to blame her for everything yet tell her I love her, then die."

"I love her so much, it's just not enough.  So I'm going to break off our engagement, end all wedding plans, and effectively destroy her heart yet again even though I know Jake did a number on it.  But I want her in my life!  So I'm going to keep her as close as I can while denying both of us the happiness of a life together.  Because that makes sense."

"I want to love her, but I can't.  So I'm going to have a hot, steamy tryst with her wherever I can find a decent place to do it, even if it's in the back alley.  But it's too dangerous for her to love me, so I'm going to act like a total asshole in front of her so she won't want me.  But I want her in my life.  Just not that much.  Maybe?"

*bangs head on keyboard*

Sometimes I wonder where things went wrong.  Like, what did I do to welcome such...chaos...into my relationship life?  I was a good girl.  I clung to morals, ethics, rules, righteousness.  I didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't have sex with anyone, didn't even date until senior year of high school.  I went to church at least twice a week and worked hard to live what I preached.  All I wanted out of life was a good home, a good career, but most of all a beautiful love story in which the guy loved me so much he'd give his life for me, but he'd never leave me.

The hopeful, faithful, loving voice inside me says that I just have to ride the waves, wait it through, that one day my prince will come and sweep me off my feet into a world of happiness and peace.  The cynic in me says if I just "listened" more with my seer abilities, I'd have avoided this whole mess.