Hunger Games

My mother never taught me about our abilities.  In retrospect I completely understand why; it was hard enough for her to understand what she was or why she was without adding the idea of passing it on to her children.  After trying to reconcile her abilities with the occult (as a teen) and learning the absolute danger in that, she turned to the Church for answers.  They told her it was all demonic, evil, and must be avoided.  And in normal circumstances, that is 100% accurate.

But we were born like this.  God made us this way.  Now that we are all coming to this understanding, Mom has promised to help me through the changes and shifts in my development as I grow older.  A part of me wryly thinks this would have been great during the terrible bloodlust as a preteen, or the onslaught of visions during high school, or especially when I was bedridden for two weeks in college over a non-existent virus the medical staff couldn't explain.  But again, I remember that all that happened before any of us had a clue as to how not-quite-human we are, and I am deeply grateful for her help now.

I turned to Alex for help as a woman, as a virgin like me, as just someone I could confide in.  We were out for drinks at the restaurant Tristan works at (yes, he was in the kitchen that night grumbling at our late-coming and being the last two holding everyone there while we munched on appetizers).  Being a certain part of the lunar cycle, I felt the hunger gnawing inside me for something very, very different from food.  And while people have encouraged me to just feed it already, I know that I can't.

So I told Alex why.  "I haven't told Tristan, and he can't know this, okay?"  I know that in one way or another, I stressed to her the importance of him not knowing the widely circulating rumor about the truth of my virginity.  I even described why I didn't want him or any man to know.

The very next day, sitting in a fancy restaurant with Tristan....

'So, Alex told me you have a theory about your virginity."

Out of all the emotions I could have, and should have felt at that moment, all that appeared was a very deep disappointment in someone I regarded as a friend.  Then betrayal, followed by a determination that I won't fall into the trap that is trusting her.  Of course she would tell him.  Alex and every other female human would tell him the secrets to nuclear war codes just to be in the same room as him.  I don't say this out of spite, just as a simple fact.  No matter how much she or anyone protests to the contrary, they're all enamored with the prince and will fight to the death for his favor.  (I know I'm going to get backlash for this, so I challenge everyone who wants to protest to provide evidence of this not being true.  Good luck.)

The reason why I didn't want Tristan to know was reiterated to me by the gleam in his eye as we discussed it over appetizers.  I know him to be a good, honorable man even despite past behavior and so I'm not worried about him raping me by any means, but.... He's still human in so many ways.  Within him, however deeply buried, lies a hunger for power.  It's the same with Luke, only Luke is much more demanding and selfish in that department.  Who knows if Jake ever heard about my "condition".

The hunger that burns within me grows more intense with every monthly cycle and at this point the only thing preventing me from just sating it is my relationship with God.  Even amid the terrible cravings I manage to cry out to Him, to beg for help to get through.  If I lose my virginity to a Second Human, the gift of my power is lost forever.  If I lose my virginity to one of my own kind, or Tristan's kind (yes, by the way, through extensive research we've determined we are separate but equally superhuman races), whoever takes it will receive the gift, the surge of power, the thing we have yet to find a name for.  Even I don't know exactly what it is, only that it's extremely powerful and bottled up inside me just waiting to be released.

According to Luke, they've been discussing it long before I knew about it.  Mom confirmed my suspicions when I asked her about her own experience with my father; she told me it was a main reason why she prayed I would wait until marriage, so then the right man would be by my side to help me with the aftermath.  It doesn't just affect him, it will make me even stronger in my own abilities.  I need my true mate in order to successfully endure the changes.

All this I confided with Alex in the hopes that, being my friend, she would just be an understanding ear and maybe have some good advice.  But what does she do?  She freaking tells Tristan.  And when I tried to lightly let her know I was ticked over the betrayal, she acted like she didn't give a flying f*** about how I feel.  Honestly, I shouldn't be so surprised.  After listening to her stories of her escapades with other women's boyfriends, best friends, or basically guys she should have just left alone, I should have taken the hint that she really doesn't care about anyone but herself.  Because if she did care, she would never have done any of this. Again, I challenge anyone to give me proof of otherwise and NOT with Tristan.

It's all enough to make me want to break down into a nervous wreck.  But I can't, and I won't.  I'm staving off the deep, burning hunger for carnal pleasure just like I'm staving off the hunger for food (within reason, I mean come on, I still need to live).  The last thing I want is a roll in the sheets with some guy who just wants my power and/or babies.  The man who gets the gift will be the one who not only loves me but proves that he does.

But I do need to sleep.  That, my dear readers, is not something anyone should avoid.