New Beginnings

We sat on the couch, drinking the epic cranberry Sierra Mist that (sadly) only comes out for the holiday season, just staring at the blank television and talking.  I was trying to ignore the if-he-was-normal-these-would-be-signals that Tristan had been giving all week, and chastising myself for even entertaining the thought that maybe, possibly, there was more to it than weirdness.

He was currently telling me about how he was unhappy in the gay scene, how it seemed to all be about just sex, etc.  I know he said more on the subject but it's a blurred memory due to what he said next: "So that's why I want to give us another chance."

To prevent myself from coughing Sierra Mist out of my nose, I took a deep gulp and swallowed hard, then turned to Tristan with a calm smile.  "I'm sorry, what?"

Tristan laughed softly and smiled.  "I want to give us another chance."

Somewhere inside me I rebelled.  I'm no idiot; last time was hell and a half just trying to ride my own emotions alongside his "episodes", not to mention the barrage of verbal and emotional abuse on both our parts.  "Keep talking."

He explained that he'd spoken with his mom about his unhappiness, and she told him to think about when he was happier and see what's different.  "That's when I realized....when I was happiest, you were in my life.  More."

"Awwww!" I leaned back into the couch, the ice around my heart melting already.  Dammit.  "I hate you.  I'm supposed to say no, but after that..."  I sighed.  "Sure, why not."

I didn't expect much.  I mean, I knew what to expect.  Hanging out, pecks here and there, hugs when needed, but otherwise we'd spend time talking about hypotheticals that would never happen.  Just like now, where we would return to staring at the wall while I stammered my way through an awkward conversation-

He gently grabbed my chin, turned my face back to him and kissed me.  I mean, kissed me.

For a moment I actually thought and pulled back enough to see if this was really, truly happening.  Tristan grinned and said, "I've been wanting to do that all night."

Okay.  That was new.

24 hours later hypotheticals were being erased by reality and my expectations for the same old, same old were thrown out the window.