Fin

"Who the hell told you that load of crap???"

A grim smile formed on my face and I informed Mr. Richards who exactly indeed told me such.  Or really, told Tristan.  Mr. Richards is the owner of a prominent industrial cleaning company in the area, and a regular customer at my store.  It occurred to me yesterday that it would be worth my while to at least inquire as to whether one would have to replace the carpet in a mobile home that was owned by a woman with 4 cats and therefore had several stains and a smell, or if it could just be steam cleaned.  Tristan's parents had informed him that we would have no choice but to rip out all the carpet and replace it, should we purchase that home. After bidding a lower offer and being turned down, we abandoned the prospect of such a nice home.  I left out who was involved and just kept my inquiry to the facts when I asked Mr. Richards for his professional opinion and estimate.

Mr. Richards leaned in close and narrowed his eyes quizzically.  "Who the hell told you that load of crap??? $200, maybe not even that much, could easily get the stains out and kill the smell.  Why would anyone tell you you'd have to replace the carpet???"

I sighed and mentally checked that question off my list of questions I've started in a silent investigation into what exactly has been going on.  This was the third, or fourth, "Who the hell" response I've received.  For example, I asked a property investor who fixes up homes, including mobile homes, if the noted problems we encountered at our old home would cost $15,000 (which included a new roof, furnace, etc).  The man balked, laughed, and then told me it would if we decided to pave the roof with gold.  He was a bit more polite in asking me where I received the original estimate.  I calmly explained it was from a contractor, which Tristan's adoptive father is.

In summation, it is incredible the amount of total deception that has occurred in Tristan's life and I can no longer feel anything but grief on his behalf.  The people he is supposed to be able to trust implicitly in his life have done nothing but lie to him and betray him when he wasn't looking, and that's not just his family I am talking about.  So-called friends hardly behave as such when his back is turned.  What can I do?

Absolutely nothing.  Not only is it not my place to call out every lie anyone has ever told him, the probability of him believing me is slim.  Messed up, I know, but of course I am the one who's lying.  The woman who gave herself to him, nearly carried his child and promised to bind her life with his for all eternity only wants....what?  Money?  Power?  Glory?  Sex?

To those of you who may actually be thinking "yes" to any of those, let me clarify something here and now.  I don't give a flying flip about money; it is merely a part of a system and a means of doing things that don't actually require money if you have the patience.  Already God is blessing my life in ways I can't even begin to describe and none of it requires any more than what I already bring home.

Power and glory only come from serving God.  And I certainly don't need marriage to Tristan or any other man to obtain them.  Should they be given it will only be because I served Him faithfully and with it comes a great deal of responsibility.

As for the sex....it is meaningless without love.  It goes down sweet as honey but turns to ash in the pit of the stomach once the realization sets in.  I could share a bed with any man I want (within reason of course) but it would mean nothing and be nothing more than a waste of valuable time.

I wanted to be Tristan's wife because I loved him.

I still love him.

So you see, I have no reason to lie to him.  Nor do I have the desire to.  The very thought makes me sick.  I pray with all my heart things will come to light and he will see what has been done, and that they will see what they have done to him.  I pray that these words will not fall on deaf ears or blind eyes.  Someone out there must care enough about him to help him.  Already I feel God moving, taking action, doing something in this mess.  Now all it takes is for true friends, true family, to stand up for what they know is right.

I am not sure if I will write again.  This journal has been a wonderful way to preserve the life experiences of a good man living a good life no matter what may come his way, written by the woman who loves him.  It saddens me to think that this may be the end.  At least we have a way to remember.

Y manu de tulu, Tristan Mu Nam.