Mate

I had every intention of "testing" my theories on the glamour of our kind, specifically my own blend of half-breed, at the bar last night.  It was my best friend Raine's 23rd birthday and she invited me to hang out with her and her fiance, Marshall, at our usual watering hole (I don't go too often unless she invites me; I'm not much of a bar person).

Earlier yesterday I took her to lunch and did a little shopping; she is 5 months pregnant with their first child and since she's been my best friend for almost 10 years, I'm certainly excited!  And while we stuffed ourselves with Chinese food and cooed over tiny swimsuits, a question was nagging at the back of my mind that somehow only she could answer.  We sat down to eat our ice cream (her treat, since she'll be out of town for my birthday) and I finally asked it.

"Was there ever one thing that Jake said that you know, deep down, was not a lie in any way?"

Raine took a bite of her ice cream and thought for a moment.  "Yes, actually."

I waited, my spoon poised mid-bite.

"It was one of the very rare arguments you two had that actually ended with a break-up.  He called me-"

"He called you?"  I raised a brow, not remembering her ever mentioning this at all in the last 6 years.

Raine laughed.  "Yes, he called me.  I'm your best friend, he was your boyfriend, we had each other's number and we talked quite a bit.  So yes, he called me-"

"Why?"

She rolled her eyes at my persistence and smiled.  "It was a few days after your break-up, and he called me and asked if you were okay.  He was worried about you."

I frowned, trying to place it in context with everything that had happened when Jake was here.  Raine vaguely remembered we were still going to youth group, still in high school, so I figured this must have been the first time I was ever dumped.  And yes, I clearly remembered Jake (as Tristan) pulling me close and holding me, asking me if I was okay, comforting me as I sobbed moments after he told me he needed some "soul-seeking time" and we couldn't be together.  I had been confused as frick.  Now I was just finding out he'd been keeping tabs on me, making sure I was doing well despite the pain in my heart.

"So I asked him, I said, 'Jake, can you see yourself growing old with her?  Is Mira the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, grow old with.... I mean, if you could choose ANYONE in this world to be with, would you base your decision off Mira?'" Raine sighed and swirled her spoon in her dish.  "He was quiet for a while.  Then he said, 'If I had my way, I would spend the rest of my life with Mira.'"

I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at her.  She went on to tell me about other conversations they had, surprisingly most of them were Jake asking her how our first kiss should be like, how to seduce me, what do I like, etc etc.  And even more surprising was that, should her account be accurate (it usually is, to be honest, I've never known her to lie to me in all the 10 years we've known each other), Jake was just as "inexperienced" in the ways of love as I was/am.

"So....Tristan is going back to college this fall," I said after a while.

Raine slowly nodded, her eyes on mine.  "Chicago?"

I nodded.  "And I've been thinking..."

"That this whole thing seems really familiar and they're going to pull another switch."

Wow.  She was good.  "The last time all this....this avoidance, this push-Mira-aside attitude, going to Chicago at the last minute [meaning enrolling during the summer]....Jake left and Tristan returned.  And this just all seems way too familiar."

Raine nodded.  "I'm with you on that one."

"Plus..." I sighed.  "Plus, my dreams?  The ones I had like crazy when Jake was around that showed him leaving and coming back after two years?  That two-year mark is this August.  The same time Tristan is going back to college."

We shared a knowing look.

Later that night we went to the bar, and immediately upon entering a guy friend of theirs came up and wished her a happy birthday.  She introduced us, asking if we'd ever met.

"No," said Simon, looking me up and down with a huge grin, "but I am sure glad we have now!"

I blushed and thanked him, hurrying to our usual booth.  All night he was staring, gazing, and Marshall spoke with him in private for a moment.  Then Simon approached, and thus began a realization that I just cannot play the games of men and women, the flirting and promiscuousness.  He was a sweet guy, and professed my beauty over and over (seriously, he said things like "you are the most amazingly, drop-dead-gorgeous woman I have seen in my LIFE and my heart is just pounding!") which did boost my ego.

But all I could see in my mind was Jake.  All I could feel was the all-too-familiar ache to be with him, to lean on him, to feel him close.  To laugh and talk and dream like we used to.  And when Simon mentioned that we should just ditch the group and "go get naked", I knew right then and there I could never do that with any man but Jake.  I was very kind and explained to Simon that I live by a strict code of honor since I was 12, and he respected that.

Long story short, the night ended with Simon shedding a few tears of frustration and Marshall lecturing me on how I can't keep living a lonely life for a dead guy when I can't find better than who was right in front of me.  I looked to Raine for help, who was just as at loss for words as I was.  She knows I'm different, that what made Simon so passionate for me that he would cry in a public place was not my doing but genetics, a glamour.  And she knows that my heart was taken by Jake a long time ago and is no longer mine to give to just anyone.  And through that whole time, I bit my tongue before blurting out that Marshall never met Jake so he couldn't make such claims.  Finally I explained to Simon that I am grieving the death of my fiance (a slight stretch, since publicly I've only been engaged to Tristan, but in the technicalities that even Tristan have examined, Jake and I WERE going to be married if we had our way) and live a life that I could not in my loving heart place on him.

He kissed my hand repeatedly, and I was reminded of a knight pining for his queen....Helen of Troy came to mind....and inwardly I groaned.  Once I had made a goal to be like Helen and have my own personal guard of men who would protect me at all costs.  Wish was granted, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Jake, please come home!